Coming Home

Hi Everyone

My dad, you know, the Junior Partner, took me to my first football game at Stoke City in October 1946 and I have enjoyed the spectacle and atmosphere of sporting events, concerts, and theatre ever since. There have been many special memories and even more disappointments along the way. Now as I approach middle age I am still a season ticket holder enjoying the atmosphere and hoping for some more special moments however unlikely that may seem. This week the English ladies football team (The Lionesses) won the European cup beating Germany at Wembley stadium in front of over 87,000 spectators, a TV audience of over 18M not including fans in pubs and public spaces, and millions across the world. Like many others, we enjoyed the game and especially the result but what stood out for me was that the stadium was full of families with young children with the German and English fans mixing together. There were no arrests, bad behaviour, or obscene chants. Everyone had a great safe day out that will long live in the memory of many who were there. In contrast, I will be at our first home game of the season with my friend where we will be searched before we enter the stadium in case we have an offensive weapon, a flare, or hot meat and potato pie. The stewards will be disappointed to find that we have already eaten the pie. On a number of occasions last season we had to pass the sniffer dogs searching for drugs. Our seats are in the stand where the fans are segregated from the away fans by two lines of stewards helped by anything up to one hundred police officers in and outside the stadium depending on the anticipated danger level of trouble between the home and away fans. About ten minutes before half time some fans will but rushing past us to the bars to consume yet more beer and meat pies, having spent most of the time hurling mostly obscene insults across the great divide at the away fans. At the end of the game, they then go on the local radio or social media to tell anyone who will listen that the players are rubbish and that the manager should be sacked. And that is just the first home game of the season. By this time you will be asking why we put ourselves through this torture for nine months of the year. Unfortunately, we are addicted to the atmosphere and spectacle of the game and the friends who have sat around us for years. I know that I can sit in the comfort of my own home with a meat and potato pie to enjoy sporting events or music festivals but as many of those at Wembley will testify, nothing beats actually being there, something that I will continue to do for as long as possible.

Dot paid me a great compliment this week, well I thought it was a compliment, when she said that she could not resist buying me this small plaque while she out shopping for me to put in a prominent position in our home. It reads "Proven and certified to be MR ALWAYS RIGHT I could be wrong but I seriously doubt it". I immediately thought that I could perhaps return the compliment so I asked her if there was a plaque saying Mrs Always Right. She said that she hadn't noticed one to which I quickly replied as I retreated to the safety of the garden that it may be because they had sold out of stock. I just wonder if I still have the one that the Junior Partner gave to the Senior Partner all those years ago.

Now if you are a long time Rubbish reader, you will know how much I love experts, you know, those people who spend months or years coming to the same conclusion that is blindingly obvious to most of the rest of us within a few minutes. This week the boss of the Bank of England put up interest rates and predicted that we will soon have a long recession. Where has he been for the last six months as we all could have told him that weeks or even months ago? One thing is certain however is that he personally will not be in recession anytime soon. Then we have our two would be Prime Ministers, assuming Boris moves out, of course, promising jam today or perhaps the day after if they are elected. If you can bare to read their promises, you will soon realise that they are either unattainable, risky or they will abandon the idea, blaming "world events" when they get the keys to number 10. We all know what is going to happen in the months ahead. Will someone please whisper in their ears so that they know or are they a typical politician, deaf or at least hard of hearing?

Just a Thought:

As our team continues to struggle, someone threw a pound coin onto the pitch. The police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.

Top biblical experts have reached the conclusion that Adam and Eve were Soviet citizens.

They had no clothes, one apple between the two of them and they thought they were in paradise.

Remember as far as anyone knows, we are a nice normal family.

Have a lovely week at home with a hot meat and potato pie.

Brian